<!DOCTYPE html>
<html>
<head>
<meta charset="UTF-8">
<title>my dear by radcatwritings</title>
<style type="text/css">

body { background-color: #ffffff; }
.CI {
text-align:center;
margin-top:0px;
margin-bottom:0px;
padding:0px;
}
.center   {text-align: center;}
.cover    {text-align: center;}
.full     {width: 100%; }
.quarter  {width: 25%; }
.smcap    {font-variant: small-caps;}
.u        {text-decoration: underline;}
.bold     {font-weight: bold;}
</style>
</head>
<body>
<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761267">my dear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/radcatwritings/pseuds/radcatwritings'>radcatwritings</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Video Blogging RPF</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Character Death, Dreams POV, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, How Do I Tag, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Love Letters, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Beta Read, Not Period Accurate, POV Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), POV First Person, Period-Typical Homophobia, Pining, Sad Ending, Secret Relationship, Secret love, Short Chapters, Sorry?, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, i think, i will update tags, inconsistent updates, jesus this is sadder than i expected, lowercase intended, no beta we die, probably, writer! dream</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>In-Progress</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:00:37</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,046</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28761267</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/radcatwritings/pseuds/radcatwritings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>letters from me to you.</p><p>AKA Dream writes love letters to George even though they are not allowed to be together.</p><p>AKA i was writing a lesbian story (and i will continue it) but I thought I could change it to fit dnf</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clay | Dream/GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Karl Jacobs/Sapnap, Minor or Background Relationship(s), background karlnap - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. April 11th</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>hi gang i was writing a lesbian story about me and one of my friends when I thought to myself aha! dreamnotfound it shall become. i haven't finished it but I kinda know where its going and jesus its gonna be sad. never thought my first fanfic would be this sad :(. ah well.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>my dear,</p><p>as sisyphus falls with his rock every morning, i fall for you more each time i see you. no matter where you are, or who you are with, a mere glance your way sends me tumbling more and more in love. the strangest things remind me of you lately. a quick breeze reminds me how your hair whips around on even the calmest of days, becoming tousled and messy, begging me to run my fingers through it. a drop of water reminds me of dancing in the rain with you, so very unseemly in nature, and yet we could not stop, waltzing around until we fell to the floor, away from all our troubles for once. a pair of glasses, glinting in the sun reminds me of how you do your level best to ignore everyone around you, by reading, and yet the moment i step into the doorway you put the book down and greet me softly, like i am a piece of precious china that needs to be protected. every time i see you i feel laughter bubbling up inside me, like a firework ready to explode; but tears gather threateningly in my eyes, ready to pour down my face the minute you leave again. i am told i should be finding a wife, but i don't think anybody can love me as you do, nor can i love anyone even half as much as i do you.</p><p>i saw you at the ball last saturday. you looked so dashing in your suit as you danced around the hall. oh, how i longed to be able to dance with you, to show the world that you were mine and that you didn't need a wife to look after you. how i longed to make all the girls who want to court you jealous because i am the only one who can kiss you, and hold you, and love you. alas, showing our love may not go down so well with the audience of the ball, so instead, i spent my night staring at you, wishing things were different. </p><p>i shall miss you when you travel to london. i almost miss you already, for the fear of how tiresome everything shall be without you overwhelms me. take the last picnic for instance. what i was sure would be a dull time, with dull people, and even duller food, turned out to be a lark, all because you showed up. the horrendous stories you fabricate about the people around us can keep me in stitches for days after you say them, and even your complaining is endearing, although that may be because i dislike the same things as you.</p><p>i look forward dearly to when you come back home, even more so than before, because now i know what i am losing if i ever let you go. i am excited to see you tomorrow, as i know you are too. it always amazes me how you can seem so apathetic in polite company, but as soon as you are with people you are comfortable with, you come out of your shell, and finally tell me what you really think.</p><p>i am running out of writing paper, and though you know i can wax lyrical about my love for you for pages, i ought to finish up this letter.</p><p>here is my quote for you. it is a combination this time, of hamlet and one word written by me, to finish it of correctly, so you know how much you mean to me</p><p>"doubt the stars are fire; doubt that the sun doth move; doubt truth to be a liar; but never doubt that i love" you. </p><p>i believe the words of Shakespeare combined with the words of myself to be a match made in literary heaven. </p><p>goodnight my dear. sleep well. dream of me.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. April 23rd</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>george is in london, and dream misses him.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>my dear,</p>
<p>a day does not go by where i don't think about you. you have taken over my thoughts until all rational thinking has been destroyed, replaced with visions of you looking wonderous in well-fitting suits, wearing shimmering crowns, and gracefully holding glistening glasses of champagne. if only we could be true, if only i could hold you in my arms and tell the world that you were mine and that i am yours, now and forevermore.</p>
<p>it feels like only yesterday i was seeing you for the first time, your hair combed back by nimble fingers, in a style many imagine they can replicate, but it looks idiotic on anyone but you, and yet yesterday itself feels like ten years ago.  the picnic you took me on before you left was the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me, and i long to be there again, alone with my two favourite things; you and the sun. oh, but how the sun teases me! at least the moon has mercy enough to shadow us from the judgemental world. the sun would rather people discover our sin than lose her selfish shine. what a conceited thought; to damn us for our love in order to keep the attention on her and her splendidly, gorgeously, dreadfully warm rays of light. </p>
<p>the sun is not half as beautiful as you though. her shine could never be brighter than yours; not in my eyes at least. aphrodite herself would have to admit you are the most beautiful mortal she has ever set her eyes upon. to think you are mine, i must have done something wondrous in my past life to deserve you in this one. or perhaps it was something in this life, something in my youth or childhood that i do not recall, that allowed me to have your love. nothing comes from nothing my love, nothing ever could. so to think that some god, some higher power believes i can have you, whether or not i should, is barely believable.</p>
<p>the past ten days have been torture without you. i have managed to keep myself occupied, and away from prying eyes, asking when i shall marry, by holing myself in my study pretending to work. i was, of course, instead writing these letters to you, which i know you would say is hard work in of itself, but i promise you it is the furthest thing from hard work. not much comes easier to me than writing about you, only perhaps the act of loving you, and wanting you. </p>
<p>i have been reading some virginia woolf as of late, and some of the prose reminds me of you. "in case you ever foolishly forget, i am never not thinking of you." comes to mind immediately, for i believe sometimes you do think my mind is ever filled with anything but thoughts of you.</p>
<p>mother has tried to set me up with a girl this week, but do not fret, i have told her i am far too busy with work to even think about marriage at the moment. she will not hold off forever though. how is the house coming along? i shall be so excited when it is finished, and we can finally get away from this monotonous place, and out into the real world. </p>
<p>i do not know when this letter shall arrive in london, so i shall prepare for all possible eventualities. goodbye my dear, good night my dear, good morning my dear, good noon my dear, good day my dear.</p>
<p>i love you, my dear.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>still not loads of plot but we are getting there ;))). also who peeped the blatant sound of music references cause omg that is such a good musical.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. April 30th</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>my dear,</p>
<p>how is london treating you? i know you enjoy it there, but I hope you do not enjoy it as much as you enjoy me. nick called the other day, he said karl is doing well. i'm glad they found each other, although not as glad as i am that i found you. you get me through the day my dear, a mere thought of you can cheer me up enough to even face my father, although he does not often want to face me. that does not matter though, soon i shall be rid of his opinions that he thrusts upon me. i am grateful to him that he raised my like he did, my younger years full of education, and laughter, and you; but at the same time i wish he did not have a hand in shaping me so that he might not think his thoughts make a difference to what i think.</p>
<p>i shall be so glad to see you again, it feels it has been months since i felt your breath on my face, you kiss on my hand, my cheek, my lips. i am eagerly awaiting your return, for i know you shall make me feel as if the world has righted itself, without even realising it had gone off-kilter.</p>
<p>i have discovered whom other wants me to marry. take a guess! actually, don't, that is mean, for it is almost impossible.</p>
<p>it is niki! i was so surprised when i was told, as i thought my father and her's hated each other, but now they have come together and decided this would be a strong political marriage? its awfully strange.</p>
<p>mother was tremendously surprised when i said i didn't want to marry niki, as i have "seemed to express and interest in her" i didn't know how to tell her that interest is purely platonic. i love niki, but i do not believe i could ever see her in a romantic manner. i suppose if worst come to worse she wouldn't be last on my list to marry, that spot goes to minx, a hilarious companion, but if i had to marry her i would strangle her before our wedding night was over, but i could not ever feel anything for niki, and she deserves someone who truly loves her.</p>
<p>all of the love in my heart is taken up by you. romantic, platonic, you name it my dear. you are everything to me, my lover, my best friend, my soulmate. if i had never met you i would probably be dead twelve times over by now.</p>
<p>i shall never forget the first time we met. your hair was combed back, not a strand out of place, and you stood with such dignity it was hard to believe you were only eleven. i thought you might be stuffy, the way you greeted my father with the utmost respect, but that idea went out of the window when you took one look at me and nick, and said in no uncertain terms, that we looked like the only people in the room that weren't going to bore you to death.</p>
<p>ten year old me could not believe that you, a boy who had called my father lord not even five minutes ago, and kissed my mother's hand with such decorum, would even think as to sink low enough to talk to people younger than you, however, i am so glad you did.</p>
<p>everyday i thank the lord we met, because the dream team would have never been complete without you. i would have never been complete without you.</p>
<p>my dear, in the words of arthur conan doyle "you are my heart, my life, my one and only thought."</p>
<p>it is true, you are everything to me, like how the moon is everything to the stars, and how the sun is everything to the clouds. you give me a reason to survive, but not only that. you give me a reason to live. you are why i get up in the morning, you are why i go to bed hoping to wake once more. you are why i choose to stay in this deplorable world. sometimes i believe hell would be better than here, and yet one memory of anything about you, and i start to think that i might have the strength to live another day.</p>
<p>you are what gets me through the appalling cold of winter, and the shocking heat of summer. you are the beautiful colours of autumn and spring. you are my moon and my stars, my sun and my rain. everytime i start to think i will burst if i love you anymore, you do something that makes it happen.</p>
<p>you are my everything, my dear.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>i promise this is the last chapter before plot comes in. i hope. also sorry for not updating for a lil bit. there is no excuse i just didnt lol :/ i did say there would be irregular updates tho so guess thats on you lmao. also new characters! i had no idea they were gonna be here, they just kinda popped up haha.</p>
        </blockquote><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>they are cute! and in love your honour. also sorry for the short chapters, but they might get longer as it proceeds ;)</p></blockquote></div></div>
</body>
</html>